I had a strange feeling this Birthday. I realize these last 2 years have zipped by. Between the family cafe opening, our creative business taking off, adjusting to life in Australia, and just exploring this crazy world – somehow here I am celebrating my 32nd birthday. A realisation was staring straight back at me, flickering in the candles on my cake, dancing just out of reach…

Speechless – I could think of nothing I wanted badly enough to think to wish for.

Was it that simple? 3 years ago, I wasn’t sure that ‘content’ was a word I’d ever use to describe my life in Australia. Eyes closed. A mouth full of homemade buttercream & strawberries. ‘content’ was exactly what I was feeling. 

Somehow, on this little lonely planet, far from America – I had stumbled upon everything a girl could search for. And yet, just under the surface, tinges of guilt and regret over our move, were biting away at the edges of my lashes. 

Like two sides of the same coin – I knew my parents were also proud of their job raising me, with such fierce independence, to push towards a life I felt I really wanted. With so much help along the way from my family, friends & acquaintances – I had found myself having arrived at some version of this life I had hoped for. 

And then – as the sweet acidity of the strawberry cut through the buttercream frosting – I realised ‘what’s next?’ How do I want to be enjoying my life when I’m 40, 50, 60 +?! Up until that very moment, the very thing I hadn’t given ANY thought to, was the future beyond what was ‘my future’ for soooo long. 

I don’t think my parents could ever have prepared me for the very tangible reality of my next couple decades. I think most of your life begins to fall in place, with the help of the proverbial sweat/blood/tears, when you head into your 30’s. The hard work of your 20’s allows you to arrive at what you hope is your future – or again, some version of it. 

The last 2 years in particular have been pretty sweat/blood/tear stained madness. So many bittersweet experiences, harrowing struggles, and just pure golden joy. Early on, the move was a very real test to the strength of our marriage, and we gave our all our new business ventures. I have had so many new experiences and have developed so many new passions I hadn’t anticipated. And I have to say, my life is so incredibly rich in so many ways. But it was also at that exact moment, I realised what my life was missing… 

Kids! Just kidding – sorry Mom – maybe another type of legacy I’ve not discovered yet. 

I am at a point in my life I’m beginning to better grasp the worth of my life. To know how precious it is, and how every moment is an investment deposited in the sands, at the bottom of my hourglass. Sometime during the pace of life, I had allowed myself to be influenced that the only way to relax was to shut the world out. This was me hiding from myself.

I had left this blog, this pursuit of passion, to live in privacy. To turn inward, in order to survive the struggle Isaac and I consciously lead ourselves into. So this long winded monologue is my way of saying sorry for staying away for so long. For not sharing during the struggle. I realise I do need to give up some of this insane level of privacy to be able to share these crazy struggles in the humble hopes of inspiring others to make the most of their blip of existence. To encourage them to try new things, to offer comradery when you are far away from your loved ones, to say yes to awkward hangouts with people who are struggling, or to exchange passion in food, health & fitness. 

Oh yeah, so back to that legacy thing I dramatically tapped out on my keyboard. I am in no way disillusioned enough to believe that becoming a ‘blogger’ will do this for me. Don’t worry, I missed home these last few years, and though isolation from Covid helped me gain some wicked hips, I didn’t totally lose it! I’m just hoping this blog allows me to explore what that thing is, and to take all of you along with me for the journey. It will be fun I’m sure whilst I figure that out.

So — Cheers to life, to still be living it, and to enjoying it with all you weird humans on this Earth with me.